does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Ketchup is God's man juice
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
