I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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