I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
