Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
