Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My vagina is officially offended.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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