is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
