You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
we're chasing vodka with high fives
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The Olympian is in my bed
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
