If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
