Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
