he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
