How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
