how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
