OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
