we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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