3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
