I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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