This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
