I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
