we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
