see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
