I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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