O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
