it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
