At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
