her vagina looked like bernie madoff
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
