Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
