I don't think brook has ever known best
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
