After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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