last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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