It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
