Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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