somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
