is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
