shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
