I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
