I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
