So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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