sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
