So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
