Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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