Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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