I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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