So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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