I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
