Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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