FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
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