dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
