so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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