So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
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sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
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I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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