so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
