dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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