drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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