I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I take back everything I said about communal showers
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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