Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
