totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize