and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
