i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
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His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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