it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You made out with two different species that night
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
