is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
