Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
whose parrot is this?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
