im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
it's like iHOP with fire
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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