Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
