Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
