is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
